Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to make out with him forever
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize