Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
even my farts smell like vagina
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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