It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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