I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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