Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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