I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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