He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize