did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Everything about him screamed your future.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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