well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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