I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
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Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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