piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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