either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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