The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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