For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize