god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he puts the penis in happiness.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize