These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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