I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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