After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is the high leading the old right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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