I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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