And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize