I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
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critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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