i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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