Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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