You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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