If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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