I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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