Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize