She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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