she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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