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my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
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