I wish I could punch you in the face.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I forget how to act sober
Randomize