if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
vagina is talking i cant
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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