I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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