my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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