Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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