i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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