Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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