My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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