and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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