Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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