New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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