I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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