I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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