You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I yelled at your uterus for you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize