yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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