Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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