Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize