The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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