why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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