I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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